Day 59: A Bit of Grace

April 28, 2014

The last poem Gareth wrote was dated 27 Feb, 2014, the day before he went out of his apartment for the last time. (He fell in the early hours of March 1st after being out on the evening of February 28th.) It's titled "Requiem" and is about me/us/him. "I look into a shop window/and think/she would like that./I pass the florist where/I bought red dozens/I'd like another." It continues. "I see from the road/into the ice cream place, right/where we used to play rummy." I am reading this in his handwriting, in an otherwise empty journal found in his apartment. I am reading it with fond remembrance tinged with sadness, but I am not plunged into deep grief. Something has shifted for me. "Then I pass the store and/pick up a drink/for sooner rather than later." I am dancing around the edges of acceptance. I am touching the loops of the ink he made on the paper..."I"..."she"..."we"...I am placing my palm flat on the words and petting them. The tears are not there in this moment. I'm graced with a deep understanding.